They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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