What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
