sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
