The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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