When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
