I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
