ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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