Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
