last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize