Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
