Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
