he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
