Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
