oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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