WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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