...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
