this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
