Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
