I wannas sexs uuuuu
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
