airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i now understand why vodka
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
please don't ironically join a cult
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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