Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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