im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize