Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
