I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
