We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Alive.
So much puke
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
