Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
