I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come you make the beer taste better
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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