The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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