I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We have started to decorate penises.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
