and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
