everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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