Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
