Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
