dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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