2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
