my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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