i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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