It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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