i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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