dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
