Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
