I must be too annoying 4 u.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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