ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
