i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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