I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
