ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
