did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
