We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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