enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
