i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
