So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Randomize
