I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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