so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
