that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
