Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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