those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
