If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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