Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
