Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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