i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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