Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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