Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
